i am no longer crying these blood shed tears. as for my b/f is doing so much better. it makes me so happy. i have been kinda feeling left out lately but now i am so happy that i have 98% forgtten it. i am happy to no longer cry these tears made of blood. bleeding the way my heart did each time i knew he was once again down. just know that the man i love was down and out was ripping my heart into ribbons causing for the stained red streaks cryed by my eyes. i am so happy that i can dry the never let dropped blood tears that he alone could see. he has dried those tears and picked up the pieces of my heart and is putting it back together again. i know it is so selfish to think of me after he won so much but i am now past caring for any but him it seems. but that is another entry. besides this is my journal and my thoughts.so :)- i dont' know if he has won yet or not. i know he is having somewhat a prob. kyle but i did to so it is sooo understanable. he is cute!! and my b/f is so able to start controlling himself. so totally awesome dudes!!!! so finally the red blood stains of uncried tears are starting to wash away with the happy clear tears of unexplainable joy.

ok i am so done now. that is all basically me blabbing. may not even be what i think it is. i just feel like putting happy in here for once.